dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
