how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
