Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
