those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
