the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your cock deserves a montage
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
