Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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