Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
