I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
