I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
