Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
