Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My bed smells like the plague
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