Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I look better un-naked...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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