Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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