your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
