4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How external is "for external use only"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
