he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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