we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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