hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You dont lie about slip and slides
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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