I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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