I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
