So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
