i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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