He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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