RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you would pick up someone in the library
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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