I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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