We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
