Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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