i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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