peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
