remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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