im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
