Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
