im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
