I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
