He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
