I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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