Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
