OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
