Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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