Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
