i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love black thongs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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