I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
