I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
