I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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