Small penises have feelings too.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
