she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
