I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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