and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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