mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
