so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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