I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
