# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
