i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
